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quantum dislocation

quantum dislocation © 2006, 2017 Jered Dawnne

quantum dislocation © 2006, 2017 Jered Dawnne

unsurprisingly, although with some admitted chagrin, another year has passed in silence in this space: another dozen months spent focused on other things, and hopefully to my benefit. i’m not certain that i can guarantee that hope. while the year has mostly been good to me in several ways, it ends on the sour note endearingly referred to as “workforce reduction”, so i’m about to embark upon another period of searching for where to invest myself on a day-to-day basis.

i might wish that it could be here, where “here” is an analog for creative endeavors, but such would put too much else at risk. i knew when i re-entered Corporate America™ eight years ago, that such might happen, but i have become too skeptical—too jaded, too aware of the necessities of the mundane—to pretend that i could just break out as an artist, suddenly become so popular that i could support myself doing what i actually want in this regard. i’ll be keeping my options open, and that includes a willingness to depart from software development, but it’s what I know the deepest.

this image is “ancient”, and is really just a random shot that i’m not sure i care all that much for. it’s over eleven years old, but since i haven’t managed to shoot for myself over the past year, and since for some personal reasons, i had no desire to return to the photographs from northwestern Iowa of last year, i figured a really old one from Albuquerque would suffice. i miss everything and everywhere i’ve been; i don’t like where i’m at, and have a while to wait before i can move on from here.

earlier this week, i had expressed my dissatisfaction to a few people, that it had been a year since i had put my heart in a better place and determine to move on in a positive way. there’s an irony, albeit appropriate, that “the all that might become” is still bound with “the waiting for it bleeds”, and while i’m more than happy in several aspects of my life right now, having to shift my focus even more studiously to the day-to-day…well, let’s just say i’m not prepared to bleed myself out over this. i’m not happy with it, but i’ll work through it. it’s a new challenge which i hope to carry forward under the sense of “the all that might become”—to make it a good thing for myself and everyone who depends upon me.

Layered Erosions

Layered Erosions (v2) © 2015 Jered Dawnne

Eroding hills in the Badlands of South Dakota.

The days fade like candles slowly feeding on themselves: layer after layer eroding to the core. But after a point, the rush towards winter is anything but ponderous, and all downhill. Stand resolute all you wish, yet time will change us still, washing us away until the core becomes flesh, still yielding, still diminishing, still eroding into deeper understanding. Each day, each year, is like this. We say the earth-mother changes slowly, but she does not, and neither, we. What is known today is not the same tomorrow. The differences are subtle: enough so to be unseen in glances. But what we are, and what we see are never truly stagnant, provided we are truly alive. So, the constancy is change, and all our veiled complexities kneel before it, like the hills beneath the winds and snows and rains.