unsurprisingly, although with some admitted chagrin, another year has passed in silence in this space: another dozen months spent focused on other things, and hopefully to my benefit. i’m not certain that i can guarantee that hope. while the year has mostly been good to me in several ways, it ends on the sour note endearingly referred to as “workforce reduction”, so i’m about to embark upon another period of searching for where to invest myself on a day-to-day basis.
i might wish that it could be here, where “here” is an analog for creative endeavors, but such would put too much else at risk. i knew when i re-entered Corporate America™ eight years ago, that such might happen, but i have become too skeptical—too jaded, too aware of the necessities of the mundane—to pretend that i could just break out as an artist, suddenly become so popular that i could support myself doing what i actually want in this regard. i’ll be keeping my options open, and that includes a willingness to depart from software development, but it’s what I know the deepest.
this image is “ancient”, and is really just a random shot that i’m not sure i care all that much for. it’s over eleven years old, but since i haven’t managed to shoot for myself over the past year, and since for some personal reasons, i had no desire to return to the photographs from northwestern Iowa of last year, i figured a really old one from Albuquerque would suffice. i miss everything and everywhere i’ve been; i don’t like where i’m at, and have a while to wait before i can move on from here.
earlier this week, i had expressed my dissatisfaction to a few people, that it had been a year since i had put my heart in a better place and determine to move on in a positive way. there’s an irony, albeit appropriate, that “the all that might become” is still bound with “the waiting for it bleeds”, and while i’m more than happy in several aspects of my life right now, having to shift my focus even more studiously to the day-to-day…well, let’s just say i’m not prepared to bleed myself out over this. i’m not happy with it, but i’ll work through it. it’s a new challenge which i hope to carry forward under the sense of “the all that might become”—to make it a good thing for myself and everyone who depends upon me.